Alien vs predator

For years my idea of a perfect Valentin’s Day was a few chick flicks, Reeses Peanut Butter cups, Oreos, lollies and family sized blocks of Cadbury’s all consumed in the near proximity of close friends, mostly female. My general views on the day have not changed, I still don’t think “Kjærlighet kan kjøpes” but my preferances have slightly changed and I’ve come to the simple conclusion: SINGLE LIFE SUCKS. I might be slighly biased, sitting alone in a hotel room north of the polar circle due to work, but over the past year I’ve come up with some good reasons why a relationsships aren’t as bad as I once thought them to be:

- There is someone to say goodbye to when you leave for work.
- There is someone to greet you when you get home for work.
- There is someone to appreciate your cooking.
- There is someone to laugh at your failed attempts for new fancy dishes. I won’t mention the coffee-Baileys-chocolate-pudding-with-sugared-glasses-and-passionfruit-topping I tried for my birthday.
- There is someone to give you a hug when you need one.
- There is someone to hug when you think they need it.
- There is someone to laugh with and at.
- There is someone to teach you stuff you never thought you would be good at (Portal/Caraccassone/snowboarding).
- There is someone to admire your new outfit, underwear or haircut.
- There is someone who misses you when you are gone, and that one little thing actually makes you want to come back.

That was all the gooey stuff, so if my single friends haven’t puked yet, I’ll just give you a quick reminder of all the other benefits as well:

- You get two-for-one discounts.
- You don’t have to book single rooms at hotels which are at least 2/3 the price of a double, never half.
- You always have a buddy whilst diving.
- You never have to walk home alone.
- You get **** whenever you want. Almost.
- You don’t have to watch Disney Channel because there is nothing else to do.
- You have someone to say goodnight to, and aren’t crazy if you don’t get a reply, the other person has just fallen to sleep already, while a pillow would never give you a reply and your craziness could be discussed.
- You have someone who unconditionally will back you up in arguments.
- You have someone to plan fun stuff together with; holidays, bike trips, next week’s dinner.
- You have someone to care about, and who cares about you in return.

I could probably have written a similar entry about the wonders of singlelife, and have recently been inspired by a junk mail who’s been highlighting the benefits of a cucumber vs a man, but hey, I’ve been enough sarcastic and hypocritical about this topic, enough for a lifetime, and it’s only 51 weeks til Valentin’s.

I can’t wait to come home.

No, not me, not I

Ærlig talt

One of the national telecommunicators are running a funny ad series (along with Ikea's urge to keep people in the sack) where two people are talking on the phone and saying what they truly mean to each other. Depsite being brutal and quite cruel at times, they are also honest and quite entertaining.

Leietager: Hei! Jeg ringer for å høre om du fikk mailen min fra idag morges, der det står at jeg ønsker å si opp kontrakten, selv om jeg vet at du vet at jeg ønsker å si opp kontrakten og har ventet deg denne samtalen i hele dag.

Utleier: Da sier jeg hei tilbake og høres forundret ut og spør om du ikke vil bo i leiligheten min mere, selv om jeg vet at du har tenkt å flytte ut.

Leietager: Jeg forklarer situasjonen og ber om å få flytte ut lenge før kontraktsperioden utgår, selv om jeg vet at dette er et skudd i blinde, og at jeg antageligvis ender opp med å betale hele husleien pluss at du tar depositumet for de to hullene i veggen jeg lagde da jeg skulle skru opp en Ikealampe.

Utleier: Jeg overser herværket du har forårsaket leiligheten og prøver å høres fornuftig ut og ramser opp innholdet i kontrakten selv om jeg vet du nettopp har lest denne og vet at du ikke har en sjanse mot det du selv har skrevet under på, så høres det bedre ut når jeg får det til å bli din skyld at du er stuck.

Leietager: Jeg smiler pent inn i røret, puster dypt for ikke å bli sint og prøver å tvinne deg rundt lillefingeren. Kjære deg, jeg vil da bare hjelpe, og dette må jo kunne ses på som en vinn-vinn situasjon, du får ikke sure leietagere og jeg får penger til sommerferien.

Utleier: Jeg sier at jeg må snakke med de andre involverte partene, men dette er egentlig bare for å få deg til å legge på. Jeg har egentlig bestemt meg, og her skal det betales.

Leietager: Da begynner jeg å be, og nevner igjen at jeg gjerne vil være behjelpelig med å finne nye leietagere, at dette skal bli enkelt for deg. Det jeg mener er at det blir enkelt for deg hvis du går med på mine premisser, og at jeg absolutt ikke har noen planer om å hjelpe deg hvis jeg møtes med minus tre i samarbeidsvilje og ingen forståelse for en ung, nyetablert og fattig student.

Utleier: Jeg gidder egentlig ikke høre på fjaset ditt, og har middag i ovnen.

Leietager: Jeg sier at jeg er snart ferdig og håper vi kan komme til en løsning på dette, da alternativet blir at bandet til sjefen min får låne rommet til øvelser og det i det hele tatt kommer til å bli ganske surt.

Utleier: Jeg sier at jeg forstår, men jeg forstår det egentlig ikke.

Leietager: Nå har jeg stanget hodet i veggen de siste fem minuttene og må vel egentlig bare se meg slått. For denne gang. Siden jeg ikke har lovens lange, usympatiske, trangsynte og irriterende arm på min side, må jeg bare kjøre på med det jeg har. Sjarm og pupper.

Utleier: Siden jeg er dame har det absolutt ingenting for seg å henvise til utrigningen din. Nå legger jeg på og kommer til å glemme alt om denne samtalen til du ringer neste uke og maser.

Leietager: Jeg ringer igjen neste uke og maser! Vi snakkes!

PM's New Year's speech

Dear landsmenn.

Thank you for a great year. 2007 will come across in history as one of the more memorable years and many things have happenend. The year started as usual in January with little snow on the trees, little sun in the sky and lousy skiing conditions. Nevertheless, it picked up, and by February Hemsedal could show off some of the best slopes on records. Yours truly of course tumbled down all of them. In March it was time for great travels, Central America was crossed once again, volcanos climbed and new heights reached. New lows as well, but that's a different story. 2007 has been a year of visits from Down Under. I have twice had the pleasure of having Aussies to entertain and 17th of May displayed Norwegian nationalism - and weather - at its best.

The summer of 2007 will probably be remembered like any other Norwegian summer - crap. A total of three days of nice sunny weather (and I worked all of them), but had a few nice weekends on Sørlandet. It's not a real summer without Sørlandet. August came along with more work, more work and more study. The autumn went too quickly and was too stressful, but then only justified a relaxation-reloading trip to Warsaw, which was absolutely fantastic. Christmas came and went and it's once again time for my favourite partynight of the year - NEW YEAR'S EVE!

The rest of the world has had it's moments too. Climate has never been so much in the wind as now, something which resulted in Al Gore getting the Nobel's Peace Price and John Howard finally (about bloody time) getting fired. Australia will finally (about bloody time) ratify the Kyoto Protocol and the Poles might only melt a little, not a lot if we get our acts together today (preferably yesterday). It is never a win-win situation, and someone will always loose. Lucky Norwegians though, it's usually never them, despite our first and hopefully only casualty in Afghanistan. Pakistan is on the verge of civil chaos after Bhuttos assasination, there are riots in Kenya and corruption (old news) in Russia.

2007 will be remembered as one of the best yet most frustrating years in history, but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, so 2008 - bring it on! Whether your resolutions for the upcoming year is saving the world, acing your exams or joining the mile high club I wish you a wonderful, amazing, good, eventful and happy new year!

Yours truly,
PM

All I want for Christmas is a superhot date??

Another Christmas is over, I'm sitting in my bed listening to the sleepy breath of the people around me. Christmas Day morning is soon to take off with more food, more gifts (it's Cristina's 22nd birthday) and I'm enjoying a few moments of peace and quiet. I have had two friends from Australia staying with me this Christmas which has made it very fun and international and they've been introduced to the lovely Norwegian customs of dancing around the Christmas three, gingerbread cookies and porridge. 

I won't ask for much this Christmas

I won't even wish for snow

I'm just gonna keep on waiting

Underneath the mistletoe

One of the things that stresses people most in the lead up to Christmas is, surprisingly not, exams, but the everlasting hustle and bustle of getting presents. Some present you realize are just perfect for the receiver, others not so. One of the present I got was a book from my brother, SuperHot Date. He said he'd picked up a few good tips himself and could highly recommend it if I ever needed a date. I gave him Ingrid Espelid Hovig's infamous cookbook in return and said I'd picked up a few god tips myself and I also recommended it if he ever needed a date (homecooking impresses the chicks, mate!). It matched perfectly with the ovenmittons he got from my grandma. 

I won't make a list and send it

to the North Pole for Saint Nick

I won't even stay awake to 

hear those magic reindeer click

But presents are by far from the most important aspects of Christmas. It's being with friends and family, laughing and learning new things like the "green glass room". A spoon gets into the green glass room, but not a fork, a tree can, but there are no bushes. Boobs are allowed to enter but no breasts. Cristina and me finally figured out the rule to Nicole and Tarryn's great amusement. We also went to my mum's work yesterday, a usual Christmas tradition and the speaker there told a Christmas tale, and how Christmas was not all about having lots, or getting lots or buying lots, but about the true Christmas spirit of being together. 

'Cause I just want you here tonight

holding on to me so tight

what more can i do?

My sister's ex gave me a blackboard last Christmas and I have been annoying/entertaining my flatmates with random notes on it (it sits in the kitchen), and although the notes at times have been victims of vandalism, the message (and at Christmas you tell the truth) the last week has been left untouched: 

All I want for Christmas is you

Lost causes

• You know it is too late to ace an exam if it's three days before and you haven't opened the book.
• You know it is too late to withdraw if you've already been assigned a candidate number.
• You know it is too late to get a six pack before the Christmas Party when you are standing ten days before, in your chosen dress eating ice cream out of the tub.
• You know it is too late to believe in miracles, and you haven't had a six pack since you were 16.
• You know it is too late to get a tan when the summer in Norway lasted three days.
• You know it is too late to get a tan when you worked those three days.
• You know it is too late to send parcels to Australia, when the postage takes six weeks and it's only five til Christmas.
• You know it is too late to become annoyed at friends for doing stupid things, when they've already said sorry.
• You know it is too late to arrive at the airport twenty minutes before departure. And no, Trude, that won't get you a business class seat, you won't get on the plane.
• You know it is too late to organize New Year's Eve plans on December 30th. You know you'll probably still try.
• You know it is too late to worry about things that have happened.

Nevertheless:

• You know you have time on the weekend to open the book.
• You know you passed the first exam so it can't be that bad (well it can...)
• You know no-one will notice your lack of abdominals because they will be too busy looking at your legs.
• You know fake tan works.
• You know the parcel from Australia won't get here til after Christmas either.
• You know your friends don't do stupid things. That's why they are your friends.
• You know there's always another flight.
• You know you don't care about NYE as long as it's spent with someone you care about.
• You know it's allowed to be annoyed about the past. But don't forget to look forward. After all, that's where you'll be living tomorrow.

"India er det eneste demokrati"

38:43:45

The White Man's Burden

Så løft en hvit manns byrde

send ut den beste sønn

Han tjener andre raser

for en landflyktigs lønn

hos rådvilt folk og ville

å ta den tunge tørn

en tverr og kuet stamme

halvt djevler og halvt børn

Rudyard Kipling 1898

I've spent the last five days in Denmark having infomeetings for Kulturstudier and visiting my sister in Århus. Great fun, despite Cristina having to read for her exam which she has in December. Good, I thought, it would give me a chance to read for mine. Which is on Friday. You're in trouble, missy. I don't deny it.

38:16:12

So, to combine exam studying with blogging I hereby desire to give you an introduction to social anthropology, today more known as SOSANT1100 - Regional Etnografi: Jordens folk og kulturelt mangfold. I hope you are ready for this (the rest will be in Norwegian):

Jeg bør begynne med det enkleste og forklare hva sosialantropologi er (blafre, blafre, lete febrilsk i boka): sosialantropologi er et fag innen samfunnsvitenskapen som studerer de sosiale og kulturelle sidene ved menneskelige samfunn. Samfunn, kultur og symboler er sentrale begreper, og en viktig del av sosialantropologi er deltagende observasjon, dvs feltarbeid der sosialantropologen tar del i hverdagslivet til samfunnene hun prøver å forstå.

Den moderne antropologien oppstod i midten av det 19. århundre, da det samtidig med Storbritannia, Nederland, Frankrike, Spania, Italia, Belgia, Tyskland og Portugals ønske om verdensherredømme ble populært og interessant med detaljerte beskrivelser av den innfødte befolkningen i de nye koloniene. Litt på samme måte som man studerte flora og fauna. I USA var situasjonen en annen siden de der ønsket å beskrive restene av den indianerkulturen de bare tiår tidligere var i ferd med å ødelegge.

Så, til noen hovedpunkter:
-Kulturrelativisme: Franz Boas teori går ut på at kulturer og samfunn bare kan forstås ut fra sin egen logikk. Det innebærer da også evnen til å se andre folks tro og skikker i deres kulturelle sammenheng istedenfor ens egen.
- Bronislaw Malinowski (1884-1942): regnes som den som innførte feltarbeid i antropologien. Han mente at for å forstå den indre sammenhengen mellom ulike deler av samfunn måtte man lære seg det lokale språket og observere hvordan folk levde over lengre tid. Hans tilnærming ble senere kalt funksjonalistisk, som betyr at et aspekt ved samfunnet må ses i sammenheng med den funksjon det har i samspill med andre sider av samfunnet (oj, oj, nå lærer dere mye!!). Han hadde feltarbeid på Trobianderøyene i Melanesia og spilte en nøkkelrolle i fagets utvikling på 1800-tallet.
- Fredrik Barth: norsk sosialantropolog, jeg vil også nevne Kulturstudiers gründere; Rune Tjelland og Henrik Heggemsnes.
- Etnografi: selve essensen i SOSANT1100 - måten å beskrive og sammenligne verdens ulike kulturer og samfunnstyper på, ofte gjennom bruk av feltstudier.
- Naturlig utvelgelse: signert Charles Darwin. Han hadde en teori om at naturlig utvelgelse ikke bare gjaldt menneskene selv, men også samfunn var produkter av evolusjon - det vil si utvikling fra tidligere former.
- Grunnleggende biologiske behov: mat, vann, ly, søvn og sex (enkelt og greit). Ligger bak en del av atferden vår. Tillært atferd, i klar motsetning til instinkt, tjener biologiske formål på grunn av de praktiske fordelene den har.
- Patrilineær avstamning: avstamning gjennom farslinjen. Kan også være matrilineær, gjennom morslinjen.

37:57:30

Helt til slutt bare litt om Australia som sosialantropologisk destinasjon: Australia ble kolonisert for minst 50 000 år siden av fullt moderne mennesker. Den lokale urbefolkningen, også kalt aboriginere, drev lenge med selvforsyningsjordbruk, og det var ikke på grunn av mangel på jordbrukskunnskaper at de i hovedsak ble sett på som jegere og sankere, og dermed fanget intens interesse blant sosialantropologer i det 19. århundre. Aboriginerne ble først sett på som "den edle villmann", men dette synet var kortlivet og ble raskt erstattet med stereotypen om en underordnet og usivilisert rase. Slektskap er utvilsomt en viktig dimensjon ved aboriginernes samfunn, både i ideologisk forstand og som en side ved sosial organisasjon. Idag er de innvevd i den australske økonomien, men de lider i høyere grad av arbeidsløsthet og fengsling enn resten av Australia. Aboriginerne ble en gang sett på som levende eksempler på den menneskelige fortid. Det er langt fra den holistiske ambisjon om et jeger- og sankersamfunn uten tilknytning til omverdenen, eller særlig Europa, til dagens tiggere i Redfern, uteliggere på George Street og sosialklienter i Parramatta. Well done captain Cook.

37:51:08 timer til eksamen.

Merseyside Red vs London FC

"I'm sorry, but to avoid the ultimate embarrassment for me and you, an unknown number of broken bones, knocked-out teeth, bad tackles, missed goals, cat fights, blisters and sore feet, I refuse to play soccer with you and your friends. I think it is for the best for both of us."

That was pretty much my response last time I got invited to play soccer, and there was no sign of protest against my reply. Fair enough. Soccer is just not my thing.

Well, that is not exactly right. I love soccer, there's nothing better than a good game between bitter rivals, and due to my multiple nationality disorder usually one of my "countries" always have a fair chance of winning (often whilst beating another one of "my" teams).

Then there is of course the last name who will light lightbulbs in the heads of old school soccer fans. Rossi - Rossi - Rrrrrooosssi - AHA - that was that Italian player back in 1982, right? Pretty boy, right? Got into a bit of trouble with some mixing and trixing hey? But totally innocent, went on to become top scorer in the championship that year, right?

Mmmhhmm. I nod. That would be him. I googled Paolo Rossi for the first time today and actually learned that he is a year younger than my father. He became a star in the 1982 World Cup, top scorer and ranked best player both in the championship and in Europe that same year. He later played for Juventus, AC Milan and Hellas Verona before finishing up in 1987. And by then he had united Italy as a soccer nation and made my dad very proud.

Soccer is the most popular sport in the world, so if you are not into it - too bad.

As you can see on the map, Europe is heavily engaged in the sport (the darker colours, the more players per 1000 people), along with a few isolated states in Africa (Mali, Zambia and Eritrea), Mexico, Chile, Equador, Uruguay and Paraguay. And Japan. Soccer can make or break communities. The feeling of comradeship is never so great as when your country has won an important match and there are never so many grumpy men going around as when Liverpool looses important matches to insignificant opponents (although it might be questionable to call Chelsea insignificant, nevermind).

Soccer connects, bonds and bring people together, totally disregarding age, sex, religious and political beliefs. It honours bravery, teamwork, creativity, survival and fortitude. That's a lot more than you can say of the UN. In times like these when villages are blown off the map in Burma, global warming is a more eminent threat than ever (daah), and there's only seven years to complete the Millenium Goals we need something to unite us all. So three times Hoooray for soccer. And Arne Sandstø. And Paolo Rossi.

Hooray, hooray, hooray!

All good

You gotta be happy with that. Time for a new adventure soon. Yiihaaa!!

Sing...ehhh...star?

After another eventful party with a close friend and some of her friends I've realized there's a few things that makes a good party a good party. There's the obvious - friends and foes who can entertain you with their interesting stories about their work-, school- or love-life, and booze. And then there's the little extra, the oomf, the oh-la-la that makes everyone remember it as a great party instead of just the normal start to a bad hangover. Games. I'll fill you in.

Sing-star:
What: it's karaoke in your own livingroom. Why embarass yourself in front of the whole pub when you can keep it to the friends and family who will remind you of your tone-deafness tomorrow. You get a mic and the song text in front of you along with moving dots that are supposed to tell you how high or low tone you should sing. Or try to sing. Or wish you were even remotely close to sing. At the moment the DVD with 80s hits is most popular, so you can just imagine all the people humming Eye-of-the-tiger in the loo-queue.
My rating: 1/10. That might even be an overrating. I suck at this, but good fun and of course a chance to shake that booty to George Michael without being embarrased.
Viewers' rating: 6/10. If there's some real singstars in the group this is good entertainment for a while, but when the fame (or the wine) has gone to their heads it usually turns out to be a drunken karaoke-brawl where you end up wishing you were at a nightclub, because you could then keep going to the next.

Guitar Hero:
What: similar to Sing-star only here you have a toy guitar to jam away on. You see notes on the TV and are supposed to hit them at the same time as the real thing. Lots of rocksongs and if there's a secret Mick Jagger inside he sure can come out to play.
My rating: 5/10. I'm not very musical, but with a bit of practise I'll beat other semi-good people in a guitar-duel. And it's good fun.
Viewers' rating: 5/10. As with Sing-star, if there's some good people around it's fun for a while, but usually the good people have their very own favourite song they're so good at so it's played over and over and over again...

Poker:
What: self explanatory. Royal flush is best. Or was it house of kings and aces? Or a pair in threes? Never mind, poker is poker and there's the bonus of money being involved.
My rating: 8/10. I'm a beginner, but this is fun.
Viewers' rating: 8/10, assuming you're playing too. Losing all your cash and having to watch your friends get rich isn't that fun, but as long as you're in it's entertainment on a high level.

Buzz:
What: New-found game. Definitively more fun than Jeopardy and has room for several players, interactive quizz-game with lots of different types of means to earn points. How about cake-throwing your opponents out of the game?
My rating: 10/10. Due to a questionable fairly good memory and decent geography skills I rock this game - especially any questions regarding Australia. I challenge you!
Viewers' rating: 9/10. You can be on teams, play against each other and there's questions in all genres, so definitively something for everyone.

Monopoly:
What: buy all the houses you can't afford in real life. I'd normally settle for a one-bedroom flat at Sagene, but here it's not good until I have a hotel on Rådhusplassen.
My rating: 7/10. If you're on a buying streak and end up with some good shares it makes you king of the world.
Viewers' rating: 3/10. It takes a while and if you're not in you will be bored.

Twister:
What: coloured dots and the right limb on the right dot will get you points (or close contact to someone you're trying to pick up).
My rating: 4/10. I was never that bendable.
Viewers' rating: 5/10. Arguable. If the participants are naked it could be more interesting.

Drinking game (with playing cards):
What: different ones to chose from, the one most normal is where every card has a meaning (i.e. 8 - sing a song, jack - you may go to the toilet, 3 - everyone else drinks).
My rating: 6/10. Normally drags on and I never seem to be able to get drunk. And there's way too little kissing involved.
Viewers' rating: 8/10. To watch others get drunk while performing ridiculous tasks could be quite entertaining.

So, while I go to bed while trying to get Marianne's version of Sean Kingston's Beautiful Girl out of my head (or I will never get to sleep) I wish you a very happy Saturday night/Sunday morning.

Cheers!